How Do I Cope with Depression and Anger at 15?

Reader’s Question

For the past few months, I’ve become unusually lethargic and I find it hard to do anything productive. I haven’t related my feelings with literally anyone at all and, if I did, everyone would simply make the arbitrary assumption that I’m lazy. The reason for my sedentariness is most likely depression, and I can’t put my finger on the reason why. It could be due to my parents’ divorce, but I never thought much of them being together. They never displayed any compassion or love towards the other, thus I sincerely doubt this to be a plausible reason.

I often feel down and insecure about myself, doubting my strengths and spotlighting my weaknesses. My mood changes for the better when I’m around close friends, but only close friends. With anyone else I can’t bring myself to smile — which is extremely odd for me, given that my childhood was comprised of mostly smiling (I was a very happy kid). I don’t get any catharsis from sad music; it only transforms into a deeper melancholy.

Also, I have been more irritated towards people who mock me or attempt to belittle me. I’ve been sort of a pushover for most of my life and I’ve allowed people to patronize me with no consequence. Right now, I feel I no longer have the power to do that. I have one example: just last week, my foster brother asked me if he could play my Wii. I explained to him that I couldn’t for complicated reasons, and he replied by mocking me with a nasal voice. I haven’t passed puberty completely yet, so that is an easy target to make fun of me. This brought a great irritation in me (after the fact, however) and I felt like severely beating the **** out of him. Of course I didn’t, but I fear that sometime in the future he may cause me to do something rash. Yes, it is that bad; no, I’m not exaggerating. I have violent daydreams where I bludgeon him and the picture is not very pretty.

So, my question is: what can I do to at least cope with my depression and anger problem so it doesn’t interfere with my life? I’m 15 years old if that’s relevant.

Psychologist’s Reply

As you have accurately diagnosed, your situation has all the symptoms of depression. While the divorce of your parents may not have created the depression, it may have started it in motion. Divorce is the third highest stressor we can experience, first being the death of spouse (assuming you liked them!) and second being death of child. Divorce creates significant changes in all aspects of our life, especially as teens. As you probably observed, parents who don’t display love and compassion for each other suddenly exhibit emotional distress with the slightest provocation. While the sons and daughters are attempting to deal with the changes, the parents are overwhelmed by their own issues and too busy to help…or even notice that your mood has changed.

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As you’ve also discovered, a major part of depression in these situations is resentment, anger, and hostililty. In depression, brain speed also increases and you suddenly find yourself flooded with thoughts of evil, violence, butt-kicking, etc. These tormenting thoughts are always inconsistent with your normal personality…evil people begin thinking guilty thoughts for example. You’ll find that everything and everybody irritates you. Physical symptoms are also part of depression and include chronic fatigue, temperature changes, cramps, upset stomach, sleep problems, appetite changes, and a loss of interest.

Depression creates a dangerous situation for you. Arriving only two months ago, this may pass but we can’t be sure. The rage that often accompanies depression and stress can create problems with others and the law. The poor concentration of depression can make grades drop. The social withdrawal and irritability can cost us friends. This is not the time to beat anyone, drop out of school, etc. Rather, educate yourself about depression. I’d read my articles on Understanding Depression and on Chemical Imbalance (the latter at www.drjoecarver.com). You might want to take a few of the screening tests on this website.

You can try managing your mood with good thinking and education. Read about it and develop a strategy to treat yourself or lower your stress. If that fails, consider talking to a counselor/therapist. If severe physical symptoms of depression are present, you may need to consult your family MD. You’re one of the most articulate teens I’ve encountered…use that intelligence to understand what is happening to you and your family. By the way, psychology is a great career just in case you’re thinking about the future.

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