It Seems Like My Parents Don’t Love Me

Reader’s Question

I’m having family issues and I don’t know what to do. Please help me! Here is the situation:

I have a mom, a dad and a little sister. It seems like my parents don’t love me. They always are emotionally abusing me and bringing me down. They criticise me on everything I do and when I try to talk to them about it they deny it. They are always calling me names like stupid. I am a straight A student. I’ve had 2 Bs this year on quizzes and my mom flipped out. She always compares herself to me. She says that the test was so easy and that it is the easiest subject and that she only got As on every single quiz. My dad makes a huge deal out of it too — saying, I thought you were the best and you’re bringing b’s. They always want me to be something I don’t want to be. They want me to be a doctor or a lawyer but I don’t want to be. I want to do something I love to do. I cried today and my mom just yelled at me. Every time I cry my parents yell at me. I’m afraid of them. I feel like I’m not good enough every time I’m around them. I have straight As, always listen to them, take care of my sister, wash the dishes and a lot more. Nothing seems to be enough for them. I just want them to love me. I feel like they are not my real parents. You’ll probably say, talk to them about it — but I already tried talking to them. The first three times they just yelled and called me ungrateful. Last week I told my mom when she was in a good mood and she said that she’ll stop but the next day she did it again. When I told her she broke her promise she just yelled at me. Today again she got angry because of my Bs and then blamed it on me and said that I was starting things, that I was yelling. I wanna scream and shout!! I wanna do something like jump out the window to make them notice me or love me. They give me things but I don’t care. I want love. I want them to show that they care about me, not just about what they want me to become. I don’t know what to do. Please help me! I’m crying. I cry myself to sleep every night hoping that something will change. Nothing ever does. Help me please…!

Psychologist’s Reply

What you need to do is survive… Many teens find themselves with very critical parents, some even emotionally abusive. The situation may be related to the stress or personality of the parents more than the teenager. If your parents are hypercritical, you must accept the fact that you will never make them happy…it’s like spending years trying to teach your dog to speak English — it just won’t happen. The dog doesn’t have a brain speech center and your parents may never have the capacity to be emotionally supportive. Some parents have it…some don’t.

Talk to a Psychiatrist or Therapist Online
(Please read our important explanation below.)

Here’s the positive thing. You don’t need to have the acceptance of your parents to be successful in life! Once you graduate from high school you can make your own life and your own career, then determine how much or how little you want your parents involved in your life. Many adults have very close relationships with their parents because the parents have earned it. Others have detached, even distant relationships with their parents due to the behavior of those parents. You can decide.

Another nice part of being an independent adult is your success is based on how other people view you — not how your parents view you. Once you establish your career for example, no one will ever ask about your childhood. No employer cares. As a clinical psychologist, I might have been reared by wolves in the forest (my brother thinks that’s very possible by the way), but no one has ever asked. As an adult, it’s who you are…not how your parents treated you or their opinion of you. It’s your opinion of you that matters.

I’d recommend:

  1. realize that your parents are who they are for whatever reason and they are unlikely to change,
  2. focus on improving yourself rather than seeking their acceptance,
  3. develop self-confidence based on your talents and abilities rather than what your parents say about you,
  4. focus on your life after high school — your career, goals, etc.,
  5. if your parents are toxic to you, identify substitute parents you can seek out for advice such as teachers, ministers, adult relatives, etc.
  6. focus on surviving these next years so that you may be emotionally healthy upon your independence.

Keep in mind, when celebrities receive awards on television — some mention their parents…and some don’t.

Please read our Important Disclaimer.

All clinical material on this site is peer reviewed by one or more clinical psychologists or other qualified mental health professionals. Originally published by on and last reviewed or updated by on .

Ask the Psychologist provides direct access to qualified clinical psychologists ready to answer your questions. It is overseen by the same international advisory board of distinguished academic faculty and mental health professionals — with decades of clinical and research experience in the US, UK and Europe — that delivers CounsellingResource.com, providing peer-reviewed mental health information you can trust. Our material is not intended as a substitute for direct consultation with a qualified mental health professional. CounsellingResource.com is accredited by the Health on the Net Foundation.

Copyright © 2024.