No Dad, Single Mom, and 3 Sisters — Just Looking for Advice

Reader’s Question

I know you probably don’t want to be reading this, I don’t know if you ever are, but if you are I am just looking for a bit of advice. I have grown up with no dad, a single mom, and 3 sisters. I am 15 years old, and for the past 2 years started to notice guys. I feel it is partly because of having no father figure. If not all, but most people are brainwashed these days, and unfortunately I am one of them. I feel that I am in a state of arrested development and I am brainwashed by media, government, education, and corporation. The littlest things make the biggest difference with brainwashing. I want to understand how the subconscious mind works, then I will be able to help myself to my fullest ability. I still like girls, but lately I’ve been mostly liking boys. It feels wrong when I think of boys; I do not know how to explain it, but I am sure you know what I mean. I think I am addicted to porn, and that feels wrong as well. My dad, who I never see, is a brainwashed Jehovah’s Witness, and my mom is controlling — and in my opinion, brainwashed as well to believe in the things and do the things she does. I get the feeling she is brainwashed into doing and trying to do and make me do the “right” thing. However, the right thing is not right at all, it is the exact opposite.

I am not too sure on how to explain what I mean. Anyway, basically I want a way out of being gay, sometimes I feel on and off of being gay, as if I am bisexual. Are there any psychiatrists or psychologists that help with this or therapy that helps with this? I feel like I have been brainwashed to think negative thoughts, and I feel isolated as if I lost myself, or my soul. I feel like I need to find myself, go through a spiritual experience maybe. There is definitely lots more I have to say, but I will just go from here. Thank you so much for taking your time to read this.

Psychologist’s Reply

As I read your email, I sense lots of thoughts and lots of confusion. You are being troubled by a variety of issues from a variety of directions. While part of this situation is common at your age, the presence of “negative thoughts” and such confusion suggests you may be having difficulty with depression. When depressed, our brain selects issues that will be particularly upsetting to only us and our situation. If we love pets, for example, when depressed we may be flooded with negative thoughts about harming them. In your situation, you’re being flooded with conflicts about sexuality, pornography, and what is right or wrong.

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There is help and guidance available for your situation. I would first recommend a professional counselor or psychologist. You’ll need help in sorting your feelings out. I’d also recommend that you read about depression on this website — maybe take a few of the tests for depression. You’re already feeling alienated and detached from others so it’s important that you seek guidance as soon as possible. A trusted teacher may be able to refer you to someone in the community who can be of help.

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