Fits of Rage, Hallucinations, and Depression

Reader’s Question

What are these moods I’m experiencing? I can be fine for weeks or even months at a time acting as my normal self, just very much an introvert (that’s normal for me) but then all of a sudden something will happen or set me off. I’ll get really angry over something, so bad that my husband says I’m scary. I’m violent, have fits of rage, not so much breaking things but throwing them, then I calm down the next day and go into almost a slightly hyper or elated phase, and then the next day or day after I go into a very depressive phase where I feel I’m at the end of my line and just want to die, I don’t feel like living. My normal way of getting out of the depression is to self harm. If I don’t do that then I have an alcoholic drink to calm me down and make me feel stable, or just wait for it to go away but the next time I have these mixed emotions they’re usually greater.

I also have auditory and once in a great while visual hallucinations, the feeling that I’m floating or weightless — spinning mind and thoughts — everything goes fast and at the same time goes really slow — everything looks really far away and starts moving further and further even though I’m up close to it. The floating feeling and the sight happen at the same time, and my heart rate also increases to about 100bpm while I have been relaxing. I also have the auditory hallucinations while this is happening where it just sounds like mumbling of peoples’ voices, like a crowded room. I can’t make anything out and I don’t get told to do anything. Other times it just seems like a rush of noises.

I have bouts of conversations where I pretend there is someone else I’m talking to and we carry on a conversation…but I know it’s not real. This can last for minutes or hours. It’s usually with people I know, experiences that have already happened or may happen in the near future. Sometimes I will be arguing with the other person, yelling, punching and very irate. But I’m never speaking out loud — it is always whispering — and I have done this ever since I was little, younger than 10 years old. I am in my 20s now.

I was told that I have Depression and Psychosis but it was from an evaluation that was most likely inconclusive because I did not tell the doctor any of this. I have a hard time and expect them to read my mind or figure out what’s wrong with me based on how I act. What on Earth is wrong with me? It’s hard to live with and affects my husband as well. Please help!

Psychologist’s Reply

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(Please read our important explanation below.)

You are describing behaviors and symptoms commonly found in both depression and psychosis. You are also experiencing panic attacks and perhaps episodes of depersonalization. When so many symptoms are present, ranging from explosive anger to auditory hallucinations, it’s important to look for general themes in the symptom display. There is a general theme here.

All of your symptoms have a common foundation. All are symptoms of changes in your neurochemistry. Some of these neurochemical changes may be significant, as suggested by your auditory hallucinations. In these situations, with multiple symptoms in several areas, I must recommend a psychiatric consultation. A psychiatrist is best trained to tease out the symptoms and identify what forms of treatment are best for your symptoms.

Importantly, psychologists and psychiatrists can’t read minds. You’ll need to accurately report all your symptoms (rage, sadness, hallucinations, etc.) and respond to questions. Professionals can only work with your case as you present it. This holds true of medicine, law, accounting, etc. If you only provide half the information needed — you’ll only receive one-half the benefit of the professional’s skills and services. Following your assessment, you may be referred for additional treatment such as counseling/therapy. It’s very important that you begin this evaluation and treatment process as soon as possible. If untreated, your symptoms can become worse.

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