Enlisting Family Members in an Intervention

Reader’s Question

I have a 30-year old daughter who has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder with psychotic features. She is a single gay parent. My granddaughter is 10 years old. I’m very concerned about the wellbeing of my granddaughter now and going forward.

For 15+ years, my daughter has had mental and drug problems. She is not physically abusive to my granddaughter but she is emotionally abusive. My daughter has also threatened suicide for many years. I’m in fear that my granddaughter is stuck in Stockholm Syndrome. My daughter is broke and jobless. I could go on.

I’m wanting a better life for my granddaughter. Is there information (i.e., studies, articles, etc.) that can help me convince her support system (i.e., my former wife, siblings, etc.) that we need to do an intervention? I am willing to raise my granddaughter.

Psychologist’s Reply

At the age of ten years, your granddaughter probably doesn’t have Stockholm Syndrome. She will have a strong, dependent attachment to her mother however.

Your daughter exhibits multiple issues and strong personality disorder features. When considering an intervention, the foundation of a personality disorder must be considered. This is important because most interventions focus on issues that are important to healthy parents such as good parenting, the impact of their behavior on the child, etc. An individual with a personality disorder doesn’t think that way and instead, is preoccupied with their situation. Your daughter will be focusing on the impact of any intervention, the proposals, and the expectations on her. She will not be significantly interested on how her positive changes will improve the life of her child.

I would recommend contacting the regional drug/alcohol program. They are experienced in arranging interventions. It’s very important that all family members have the same concern, theme, and focus for the intervention. To deal with the personality disorder features, I’d recommend my introduction to personality disorders on this website. You’ll need to set firm boundaries and expectations in any intervention.

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You can try to arrange a meeting with those interested in improving your daughter’s situation. When you make this attempt, keep in mind that each member of her support system is likely to be supportive for a different reason. Individuals with a personality disorder are social chameleons and modify their manipulations with each supporter. When this situation is present, it’s helpful to focus on the common factor in the situation — the emotional health of the granddaughter.

As the family member initiating the intervention or family concern, you are likely to be on the receiving end of your daughter’s anger and resentment. Your daughter will attempt to minimize the need for intervention and will likely emphasize that you have a “hidden agenda” to control her life. Emotionally prepare yourself for this counterattack.

This is a difficult situation and may eventually require input from the local child protective agencies. Your request for an intervention and stabilization of her situation is an opportunity for your daughter to work with her family support system in a positive direction.

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