What Can I Do About My Depression?

Reader’s Question

I have been thinking about getting professional help. Twelve years ago I was physically and sexually abused by my stepfather. I still have a lot of trouble. I’ve developed epilepsy, I cry a lot, I have very low self-confidence. People are always telling me, I should have confidence, they say I’m pretty, I’m smart…but saying it is a lot harder than doing it. I still feel completely broken. I’ve considered suicide even, but I try to hold on. I know my mom and husband would be devastated if I did. But I just don’t want to feel like I do anymore. I hate myself. I hate that I never have the courage to make people notice me, and when I try to…I just end up getting told how selfish I am. I just want to be able to feel happy without faking it or forcing myself to. I want to see a psychologist, but due to my epilepsy I can’t work, and I can’t afford one. I just need to know if there’s anything else I can do, any kind of help I can get, because I don’t know what to do anymore.

Psychologist’s Reply

You are describing depression at a level that’s probably been with you for a long time. Millions of people live with moderate depression — low self-esteem, fatigue, sleep problems, fleeting suicidal/death thoughts, poor concentration, social withdrawal, etc. Under stress, the depression intensifies to the point of suicide risk and thoughts. What can you do in this situation?

  • You are reporting symptoms of depression that respond to treatment with an antidepressant medication. To obtain help, your first option is your family physician or the physician who treats your epilepsy. Most physicians are now comfortable prescribing antidepressants so all you need to do is ask about depression and treatment.
  • You can also look for therapy/counseling in your community. If your spouse is working, they may have an insurance plan that pays for treatment or may have an Employee Assistance Program that provides treatment to family members. Most communities have several counseling agencies and programs, some with a sliding scale based on your ability to pay. Don’t be shy here — ask a lot of questions about what is available.
  • Do some personal research on the Internet. Look up depression and treatment for abuse. This website has many articles on depression, abuse, etc. I’d recommend my article on Emotional Memory to help with the memories of your abusive childhood.
  • If there is a large university nearby, many have mental health clinics that provide low-cost services to the community in exchange for a training opportunity for their advanced students.
  • The main recommendation is to get started. Depression also has low motivation with it, something that keeps people sitting on the couch for many years. Set aside an hour or two each day to do internet research or reading. Set aside an additional period of time to do something productive — even minor chores.
  • The Internet has a variety of resources for depression including discussion groups, depression treatment websites, blogs, etc.

Help is available but you must prepare yourself for a change in lifestyle. When we’ve been depressed for a long time, we have adjusted our lifestyle to a depressive lifestyle. Be prepared to change a lot more than just your mood and self-esteem.

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