Why Do I Keep Talking to Myself?

Reader’s Question

Lately, before I go to sleep or during the day I find myself talking to the air as if I have a child and husband. I may say “where is my love?” or “mama loves you”. I have even picked up my dog and pretended it was a baby. I feel abnormal. Sometimes I even talk in my bed as if I had a husband and ask how that meeting went, etc.

I am not dating anyone, so maybe this is why? I am aware of this strangeness I do. I know it is strange and so I only do it when I know my family members aren’t around. I am 23 years old. I am just curious as to why I do this? I have never had an abortion. My father passed away 4 years ago. I was deep in depression from my father’s passing and this year I have slowly come out of it.

Psychologist’s Reply

I don’t sense this is a significant mental health issue. You are engaging in self-talk which is generally self-soothing and self-calming. Pets provide the same benefit, only more. Having a pet in the house allows all varieties of self-talk and soothing/calming behaviors. Talking to your pet as a partner, baby, loved one, child, etc. is very normal and healthy. Pets greatly improve the lives of their owners and research confirms that people with pets have less anxiety, lower levels of stress, less depression, better controlled blood pressure, lower cholesterol, less loneliness, and a higher survival rate following serious illness.

Why have you noticed a recent increase in self-talking? You may be going through a period of personal loneliness which has caused the self-soothing behavior to surface or increase. I use the term “personal” loneliness to remind us that we can be surrounded by family and friends and still feel lonely. Your personality has developed a strategy to deal with your loneliness and possible moderate depression that might still be lingering.

While this behavior has nothing to do with abortion, the fact that you mentioned that issue suggests you may have some continuing depression. When depressed, the brain always entertains topics of guilt, blame, helplessness, etc. I would read a few articles and take the screening tests for depression available on this website. I’d check for the other signs of depression such as sleep/appetite changes, poor concentration, anxiety, chronic fatigue, crying/weeping spells, loss of sexual interest, social withdrawal, etc. If your self-soothing behaviors have recently surfaced or suddenly increased, an underlying depression has probably brought these behaviors to the surface. We all self-calm with our thoughts, but suddenly feeling an increased need to vocalize them may reflect an increase in our level of anxiety, stress, or depression. If depression is present, I’d recommend consulting your family physician to determine if an antidepressant medication may be helpful. I’d also consider counseling to deal with your current stress level.

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