He’s Always Moody with Me Unless We’re Being Physical

Reader’s Question

Firstly, I would like to thank you for the excellent service that you provide for those like me who really need it.

I am 18 years old, and I met a really nice boy at a park one day. I have been talking to him for 2 years now. At first, I didn’t have any feelings for him. But after awhile I started to really like him, even love him. Unfortunately, this boy lives about four hours away from me, and we don’t see each other often: about every 3 months. When we started to meet up, we’d kiss, hug and do things which couples do, but he has never actually told me that we are a couple. Though he’s never said it, I know that he likes me. But I wonder if I should really be showing all this affection with him without knowing whether he actually considers me his girlfriend?

Also, he tends to become really moody when he isn’t physically with me. When I talk to him online, he acts really strange and moody, as if he doesn’t want to talk to me. The last time we met up, we were having a nice day but then he received a phone call from one of his mates to say that a few of his boys would be coming to see him. After the phone call, he demanded that I simply go home. As I was buying the ticket to go home, his friends arrived and we said a quick hello. As his friends and I were talking, he again appeared moody and became quiet.

I did leave to go home after a few minutes, and then I tried talking to him online the next day, but again he became very moody. I was wondering what I should do and what he is thinking. I am not the type to tell him how much I love him, as I have never done that sort of thing before. I told him that I love him once when we were talking online but he didn’t really respond. I don’t know what to do. Do you thing the distance affects his trust of me? Is it something else? Please help.

Psychologist’s Reply

It’s interesting that you would describe your “boyfriend’s” easy dismissal of you and failure to acknowledge you to his friends as a matter of his being “moody.” It’s also interesting that you note that he’s not this way when you are engaged in some kind of physical contact with him but that his “moodiness” returns whenever you communicate on any other level or in any other way. Finally, it’s more than merely interesting that you make guesses about “why” he acts this way, and entertain the notion that it might be the four-hour distance between you. While your imagination is working overtime wondering about his possible intentions, his actions are speaking volumes, yet you don’t seem to be getting the message.

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The distance between you and this boy is not physical but emotional. And, it seems fairly clear from what you’ve said that this boy does not have the kind of feelings for you that you’ve developed for him. The bigger question to ask yourself, therefore, is why you don’t see this, or if you do see it, why you remain invested to any degree in a relationship that appears so lopsided with regard to interest and affection. Only you can answer that question by searching your heart. When you’ve answered it, it’s likely that all the rest will become perfectly clear.

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