Crazy Libido? My Boyfriend Isn’t Keeping Up With My Need for Sex

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Reader’s Question

I’m 22, and my boyfriend is 31. We have been together for 6 months now. When we first started dating, we didn’t have sex that often, but we were both pretty busy at the time. I was separating from my husband, and my boyfriend was doing his own thing. Around two months into our relationship, he had a terrible groin pull that pretty much kept us from having sex at all. I suffered from this big time. My libido is crazy, and I kept quiet about it because I didn’t want to hurt him. I knew he couldn’t do anything about his injury. But now he is healed up, yet sex is still minimal. We have sex once a day if there is absolutely nothing going on or he doesn’t have gas or he isn’t tired. It sounds like that’s pretty good, but I have been turned down from him a lot. So, I find myself resorting to pornography, internet flirting, and masturbation if he leaves the bedroom for 5 minutes because I feel like I need an orgasm to go on with my day even though pleasuring myself is never good enough. I get this overwhelming broken hearted feeling when I don’t have sex on any given day. I feel completely unsatisfied, and it gets to the point where friends and my boyfriend are asking me what’s wrong because I look so down. I have talked to my boyfriend about this, and he says he is just busy. He says he thinks about sex often but just can’t stay focused on it if there are other things to do.

I know my boyfriend has some kind of an anxiety or mood disorder, but I’m almost obsessing over sex. I have been masturbating at work or any chance I get alone where I know I won’t be caught. My boyfriend thinks I’m addicted to sex because if I could stay at home all day and have sex I would. But I think I’m just a healthy 22-year-old. I am having a really hard time with this because I am becoming emotional over it. I cry when he walks out the door for work and I haven’t had sex that day. It feels like my heart is breaking every day that I don’t have sex. Is it normal to feel that way?

Psychologist’s Reply

Let’s just take a look at some facts that you report. You say you’re only 22 and have one marriage already behind you. You also say you’ve been dating this man only 6 months but have been engaged in “internet flirting.” You also say that you become emotional and feel “completely unsatisfied” if you haven’t had sex during the day. And you attribute this all to simply being a healthy, normal 22-year-old.

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Although you might not have a sexual addiction (even though there are some indications of the possibility), the things you report clearly indicate that it might be in your best interest to visit with a counselor or other professional and get a more objective view of the reasons you might be so unhappy these days. There are several possible reasons for your “crazy libido” and chronic dissatisfaction, all of which can affect not only your emotional life but also the nature and stability of your relationships. So, it may be best to share your concerns openly, honestly, and fully with someone who’s capable of giving you the objective counsel you need.

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