Manipulation, Blame, Karma, Cause and Effect

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Reader’s Question

I found this site when I was looking up information on blame and victim roles on the internet as well as on manipulation. I have been very good at that in my life and have hurt a lot of people, including myself. What I don’t know is now I understand what I did and the patterns — but I don’t know how to make things better. I have manipulated and played the blame game for many years and many people have gotten hurt, but I didn’t know what I was doing, couldn’t see the pattern, and now that I know, I don’t know what I should say or if I should say anything at all, although it weighs heavy on my mind. What do you think?

Also, I work very hard on trying to stop the pattern and am pretty serious about taking a spiritual approach to life, as I never want to do what I did before and feel that the answer is getting back on track with God, taking a more honest and spiritual approach to life.

What do you think? I can’t change what I did, but maybe it is possible to undo some of the damage and make a contribution.

I really think taking a spiritual approach to life is the only way.

Psychologist’s Reply

You have asked how you can right the perceived wrongs that you have caused in your life. The way to do that is to just do the right thing now. It sounds like you have had a spiritual awakening of some sort. Finding a therapist who has a spiritual background (e.g., a transpersonal therapist) would be a great way for you to advance further in healing the hurts that you may have caused yourself or others. The fact that you claim responsibility for your past actions, as well as express a desire to be mindful of the patterns in which you participated, is a great sign of personal growth.

The thing about a spiritual path is that most spiritual journeys emphasize the importance of taking personal responsibility for one’s action. You could call it karma, or simply be scientific about it and refer to it as “cause and effect”, but taking responsibility is your key to personal salvation in many spiritual philosophies. You don’t have to go out and find everyone whom you believe was a victim of your manipulation and blame, just treat them how you would treat them now that you are a participant with greater awareness, and seemingly greater compassion. Behaving in a way that is ethical to yourself and to those with whom you are interacting, will bring you a greater sense of personal peace and empathy. You may want to explore different spiritual avenues that will be in alignment with your newly budding sense of self. You need simply start from right this moment to behave in a way that is based on mutual respect and personal responsibility. Congratulations on your newly awakening spiritual consciousness!

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