Should I Get Back With My Cheating Boyfriend?

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Reader’s Question

My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship. Some time ago he cheated on me with a girl he got a crush on while he was at school. He also left me for two months because he felt too guilty and went to live with her. He lived with her until she cheated on him. It was very hard for me to take him back, but I did. He swears it will never happen again.

How can I be sure that he won’t cheat on me again? How can I learn to trust him? I really don’t want to leave him, but thinking about his cheating hurts me really bad all the time.

Psychologist’s Reply

Unfortunately, life and relationships come with no guarantees. It’s strictly your task to forgive and move on. But there are some things about the situation you describe that warrant some serious consideration on your part.

You report that your boyfriend cheated because he stumbled into a “crush” while at school. You also say that he left you and went to live with the other girl because he “felt guilty.” This may be pure conjecture on your part, or you might believe it to be true because your boyfriend claims it as the reason he left you. However, the simplest and most logical explanation for events is that he fell in lust with this girl and wanted to live with her. Then, she cheated on him and he came crawling back.

The best thing for you to do is to search your own soul for what you want and need in a relationship. And don’t be afraid to trust your instincts about the character of the person you’re considering being involved with. Most importantly, don’t make conjectures that have no rational basis and arise mostly out of your own wants and needs. In the end, all trust must be earned, and actions speak much louder than words.

If you become really convinced this man is the one for you, you’ll have to do your best to forgive past indiscretions and move forward with the development of your relationship. If your instincts tell you he’s not to be trusted or if your self-examination tells you that you were overly generous in your conjectures about his cheating, you should probably look for another guy.

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