Married Young But Husband Still Acting Like a 16-Year-Old

Photo by markhillary - http://flic.kr/p/6U5Bbd - For illustration only

Reader’s Question

I’m a 21-year-old female and have been with my husband ever since I was 16 going on 17. Ever since we got married in 2007 we have been living with my mother-in-law. Last year we briefly rented an apartment, but we had to move out because we were laid off, so now we are back with the in-laws.

My husband goes out every weekend to be with friends and does not come home until 3:00 or 4:00 am. I call him and he never picks up the phone unless it’s my fifth call. Once, I had a really bad ear infection and I had to go to the hospital and really needed a ride but I couldn’t reach him. I found out later that he was in a bar at the time.

I’m so tired of putting so much effort into the marriage; I have already gone to marriage counseling by myself because he doesn’t show up.

Please tell me what I should do.

Psychologist’s Reply

It certainly appears that while you have matured some over the last few years, your husband’s maturity is lagging far behind. Sixteen- and seventeen-year-old behavior is understandable at those ages, but a married couple in their twenties needs to share a greater sense of responsibility if the marriage is to survive. It might behoove you to continue your counseling, but do it for your own sake and for your own personality development. As for your husband, if he’s not willing to step up to the plate and take his responsibilities seriously, you might be better off without him.

Please read our Important Disclaimer.

All clinical material on this site is peer reviewed by one or more clinical psychologists or other qualified mental health professionals. Originally published by on and last reviewed or updated by Dr Greg Mulhauser, Managing Editor on .

Ask the Psychologist provides direct access to qualified clinical psychologists ready to answer your questions. It is overseen by the same international advisory board of distinguished academic faculty and mental health professionals — with decades of clinical and research experience in the US, UK and Europe — that delivers CounsellingResource.com, providing peer-reviewed mental health information you can trust. Our material is not intended as a substitute for direct consultation with a qualified mental health professional. CounsellingResource.com is accredited by the Health on the Net Foundation.

Copyright © 2020.