“Daddy Issues” Interfering With Health of My Relationships

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Reader’s Question

I may be young, but I have already been through more than the typical teenage girl. My father has never supported me in anything throughout my life, was barely ever there for me, and took every opportunity to put me down. And even to this day, he has no idea what I’m really like or what my interests are. He seems to get enjoyment out of my frustration and obviously, it’s resulted in my having serious “Daddy issues.”

If problems with my father weren’t enough, I grew up with two brothers who were constantly in trouble. Like my Father, they put me through some serious sibling rough housing. Then, this past summer, my eldest brother, who (even though he never showed affection to me) was the one person I looked up to anyway, committed suicide. He left behind two new babies and a wife who is a terrible hussy.

As a result of all my issues, I always try so hard to just have guys like me. I end up trying so hard that they end up hating me. I’ve been in a relationship with a guy for about a year now, and I know that I have found my soul-mate despite our young age. But because of all my issues, I see myself constantly distancing myself, trying to replace my deceased brother with him. I can never trust him. I get worried when he doesn’t respond to my calls quickly and even hearing him say another girl is pretty reduces me to tears. I try my hardest in these times, but is there anything I can do to help me keep a stable relationship?

Psychologist’s Reply

The issues you describe are fairly long-standing and run quite deep. And despite the fact that you have considerable insight already about them, you seem to be having some trouble changing some potentially self-destructive patterns. It would probably be in your best interest to visit with a counselor or therapist to work through your concerns. Insight is only one small step in the process of creating a healthier, more fulfilling life. The “issues” that stymie growth have to be more reliably and routinely recognized and reckoned with in order for you to have a better shot at happiness. You might expect most if not all of your issues to surface in the relationship you build with a therapist. But if you stick with the process, new doors and possibilities will most likely open, and you’ll find a way to fulfill your life.

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