Cannot Talk to Parents, Mother Just Tells Me to Shut Up

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Reader’s Question

I’m a 19-year-old guy and I really need some advice. I am in my first year of studying, and if I do not get help soon I’m not going to make it through my first year.

I’ve been having a big problem with my folks. This problem has been going on for over 14 years now. I can’t remember even ONE day that I saw my parents happy together. Since I was born, my mother always wanted us to stay away from our father. She didn’t tell us “Stay away from your father” or anything direct like that. But any time we talked about him or mentioned his name, my mother would tell us to get away from her and that if we ever needed anything to ask him.

I’ve never had a proper relationship with my father. The only one who has ever cared for me was my mother, but for the last 3 years she seems to be hating me for some reason! Every time I do something wrong, she will throw the “words of the Bible” in my face. I am in fact a very devout Christian. But something I just don’t get, is the fact that my mother will always throw words in my face like: “In the end time, before Jesus will come back, Children will become rebellious towards their parents” simply because I argue or disagree with her. For a Christian, that makes my heart ache, since it feels like I will go to Hell if I disagree with my mother. Every day she will tell me that SHE is the parent and that I WILL shut up if I want to talk to her and then after that will go and watch Joyce Meyer on TBN.

To make matters worse, I think I might be gay. I’ve actually known this like forever, and it’s one reason that I never got to spend a lot of time with my dad.

My heart is extremely sore. I just don’t get why she always has to think she is right and that I am the child and should shut up. Just tonight my mother again told me, after we argued, that I should never ask her again for anything. I never get to say what I want to tell her since she will always interrupt me and then just walk out of the room.

I’ve never in my life had the courage to tell my mother my secrets. I never will ask my parents for help on anything. I always ask my friends, since they are the only people who actually listen to me.

Psychologist’s Reply

Becoming comfortable with yourself as a person and functioning in an autonomous and independent manner is always a challenge. From what you say, you seem to have some urge to open up fully and unreservedly to someone. And that’s one of the main reasons some folks solicit the ear of a professional counselor or therapist. Their function is not to judge you or argue with you but to assist you in the process of self-discovery, self-acceptance, values clarification and solidification, etc.

Your school is likely to have a counseling center that you can visit to secure the assistance you might need. And, you can take assurance that the things you divulge remain confidential. Naturally, you will want to maintain a circle of friends. But sometimes we need more than a friend with whom to bare our souls and claim ourselves.

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