How Do I Get My Family Into Therapy? They’re Making Me the Meat in the Sandwich

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Reader’s Question

My mum and my sister are at each other all the time. They’re both having a difficult time coping with various issues, but they are taking things out on each other.

My mum and sister are usually very close. But this situation between them is getting worse and they are making me the meat in the sandwich.

My Mum is having a hard time coping with my dad, who is deteriorating with dementia and old age. My sister is recently separated and not coping very well with being single. She and her two girls are now living with my parents. Mum and sis are both quite emotional and at times a little histrionic. Neither has a lot of insight into their behaviors; they never really have.

How do I get them to see a psychologist to learn better ways of coping? Is it preferable that they go together? They need help, and I don’t know how to help them. Any suggestions?

Psychologist’s Reply

As you can easily see, when stresses mount in a family and people begin to act out of character, the entire family is affected. So, one way you might broach the idea of joint counseling is to offer to participate in it yourself. Sometimes, the whole process of therapy is seen as less threatening if all the affected parties in a conflict participate. An experienced counselor will often attempt to make the process even more inviting by setting a structure by which folks feel more free to vent and to be open within the confines of a therapy session, with the knowledge that hard feelings will not be retained outside the counselor’s office.

So, commend yourself for making the suggestion and for being willing to take an active role in addressing your family issues. From what you say, there are many issues to address, and some visits to the counselor might just give everyone a chance to work things out. Make clear your concern and desire to make things better. Then take the lead by being the first to volunteer.

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