Does My Boyfriend Love Me or My Money?

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Reader’s Question

I have a half-boyfriend. The reason I say half-boyfriend is because although we have been together for about six months, he refuses to fully commit.

I am 18 years old, and he is 27. I really want to move on with my life and let him go, but I just don’t know how. I have done everything I know to make him happy. I buy him whatever he wants. I even bought his son $100 worth of gifts for his third birthday party two weeks ago, and I paid $300 for his car to get fixed. But I just don’t get the same level of love in return.

It feels like the only reason he even keeps me around is for my money. I never met a man as cheap and who depends on a woman as much as he does. He claims he loves me. BUT DEEP INSIDE I JUST CAN’T BELIEVE HIM. I would really like for us to work out. But our lives seem like a story line for Jerry Springer. My mother used to date his older brother when they were my age. And I now work for his mother. He is also best friends with my cousin. So, as you can see, we are very connected.

I just don’t know whether I should keep trying to make things work or whether I should just let him go. Please, please, please help. Should I stay or should I go? Every time I try to leave, he just begs me to stay, and I fall for it every time.

Psychologist’s Reply

You already appear to have a great deal of insight into this situation. You say that despite the fact this man is 9 years older, he is more dependent on a woman and less financially secure than any man you’ve ever met. And you say that the only reason you don’t leave is because when you threaten to do so, he begs you to stay. If he’s as needy, dependent, or exploitative as you suggest he might be, the begging is very understandable, even if it isn’t very attractive or a good sign for the future of your relationship.

It sounds like you have a big decision to make. Perhaps the biggest decision will be whether you really want to derive your own sense of power and worth from just how much another person seems to want or need you. If you don’t resolve that issue, you could very well end up making the kinds of decisions and entering the kinds of relationships that really do end up being featured on Jerry Springer!

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