How Can I Acquire Aim and Purpose in Life?

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Reader’s Question

I am a 38-year-old female from India. I have never had any specific aim in my life. Whatever comes my way, I just accept it. Sometimes this feels bad, but sometimes it’s okay.

For much of my life, I just wanted to get married and live happily. But after I got married, I lost interest in marriage, too. I put on weight and gradually lost interest in everything. I have an average job, but it is boring. I like doing sketch painting and like to see different places. I have seen people enjoying life, having fun and having desires. But if I crave strongly for something, I just get nervous. I looked for a well paid job only to panic when I got it and then refused to take it. I want to live a fulfilling life. I want to have specific goals. I feel my life is getting wasted. But I can’t decide what I want from my life.

Sometime I think the problem is that I don’t get enough sleep, so I am always tired. I also want to lose weight but willpower is missing. Please help me out, so that I can live a happy and meaningful life. I have a son who is six years old, and my life seems stuck.

Psychologist’s Reply

There are many factors that can contribute to the difficulties you’ve been experiencing. Some folks struggle with various types of dependency and are overly reliant on external sources of guidance and support. Others are overly adventuresome, finding only momentary happiness in their pleasurable pursuits. Some are commitment-phobic, finding it quietly unnerving to invest themselves in any person or situation. Still others have a poorly defined sense of self, often accompanied by a troubled sense of self-worth that makes it difficult for them to find direction and inviting considerable anxiety whenever they feel that some kind of emotional bonding is possible or imminent. Some individuals lack a variety of adaptive coping skills, leading to a chronic sense of inadequacy and uncertainty. And some can carry with them the scars of early emotional wounds that lead them to be notoriously self-defeating or self-punishing in their manner of dealing with life.

Because your situation can be the result of so many different possible factors (and possibly a combination of factors), it’s important to address the issues with a well-trained professional, especially one well-versed in personality and character development issues. It’s also important to remember that the therapist and the techniques the therapist might offer or employ are but vehicles to your gaining greater psychological health. In short, it’s the therapist’s job to assist in the process, but it’s your job to define your purpose and direction in life.

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