I’m Disgusted With My Father — Do I Need to Protect Myself?

Reader’s Question

I’m a 17-year-old girl, living in Turkey. I have noticed something for the past six months — my father keeps walking with just his underwear on in front of me, and while having a morning erection. I told him millions of times not to but he doesn’t listen. We have a strong history of violation.

Now I’m disgusted with him.

Is he doing that on purpose? Please help!

Psychologist’s Reply

I hear that there is a history of violation in your family. I read that to mean a history of abuse, sexual or otherwise. Likely, you have no options but to continue to reside with your father. Therefore, our efforts might be best placed to talk about how to protect yourself from future violations.

You feel disgusted, and that is exactly the feeling you need to create in a would-be perpetrator to keep yourself safe from attack. While there are many self-defense techniques and nonlethal weapons you can use (and should be familiar with), the most effective deterrent to assault is disgust. If you can make the perpetrator feel disgust towards you in the moment of attack, then it is not likely that he will follow through with the attack. How do you do that? The answer is graphic, but the situation demands a direct but artless answer: throw up on yourself and/or him. If you are able to make yourself vomit on yourself, then you are no longer a desirable target. Perpetrators will leave you alone. I agree, this is a primitive way to communicate with others. However, there is no civility in your current situation and I encourage you to take extreme action to protect yourself.

I also wonder if there are any authorities in your community that could help you. If there are, then don’t keep this a secret. The agencies that protect women from domestic violence are getting stronger every day, even in Turkey. I encourage you to seek them out and see if they have other, better alternatives for you.

Bottom line, don’t let yourself be abused. What your father is doing is not okay. Do whatever it takes to keep yourself safe.