Not in Control of My Body and Emotions — Ashamed to Go Out

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Reader’s Question

I am 23 years old. I’m an outgoing and positive person. I have always been very emotional, but for about a month now I get really nervous, impatient and/or restless. I don’t want to go out. I prefer to stay home because I think that outside I will get more and more irritated by everything and everyone. It’s like even my friends are saying and doing everything to make me angry or irritated. I know the problem is in me. I catch myself thinking wrong things like my friends don’t like me anymore. I feel like a have a big ball of nerves in my body and each day it grows bigger. I feel tired but can’t go to sleep, I stay in my bed for hours without falling asleep and when I close my eyes my imagination brings me bad and sad situations.

Today things got worse. The only meeting I agreed to was a walk with my father, dog and younger brother, but as soon as I hung up the phone a strange feeling overcame me. I started shaking, got some kind of warm waves all over my body and I felt like my heart would explode, but when I checked my pulse it was fine. I canceled the meeting. After that, this huge ball I had been feeling in my body started exploding and I started crying because of the pressure. I do not think that I should meet my friends until I calm down. I’m afraid someone will see me like that so I prefer to stay at home. I am ashamed to ask a friend for advice or explanation for my condition. I have never felt like this before and I’m scared that I cannot control my body and my emotions. Usually I am independent, down to earth and have a strong character. I am used to dealing with different problems and situations on my own.

Psychologist’s Reply

It sounds like you may be dealing with a combination of depression and anxiety. The symptoms of depression that you describe include psychomotor agitation (the nerves and restlessness), difficulty falling asleep, diminished interest in daily activities and, in younger people, irritability. The “strange feeling” you mentioned sounds like a panic attack. This often includes a pounding heart, shaking, hot flushes, and fear of losing control.

Many people who have never experienced emotional difficulties before suddenly find themselves having them, particularly as they reach early adulthood. This is a developmental period that brings a lot of change as you transition from childhood and school to adulthood and work, so it is not surprising that it takes some adjustment. The emotional difficulties aren’t shameful; they are a fact of life for a lot of people. The most important thing to do to help yourself through this rough time is to reach out and ask for support. Other people may have had similar experiences and can offer advice on how to work through them. There may also be individual or group counseling available in your area.

The absolute worst thing you can do is stay inside. Isolation and inaction are like food for depression and anxiety. If you just suffer through it, things will get worse, not better. There are many behavioral techniques that help reduce depression and anxiety. It’s just a matter of finding them.

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