When I Have Problems I Want to Quit Life

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Reader’s Question

I am really hopeless. I am not motivated in my life and most of the time, whenever I have problems I want to die. I want to quit life. My girlfriend doesn’t trust me. That’s my problem. I don’t know what to do. I am frustrated, I want to die so that she will find out that she’s wrong about accusing me that I have another girl.

Psychologist’s Reply

I am glad you reached out here and am wondering if you have others who can support you right now. When I hear hopelessness, frustration, a lack of motivation, and a sense that there is nothing that can solve a problem other than dying, I start to wonder about clinical depression. You did not mention whether you have been feeling this way for more than two weeks or whether you have felt this bad before. If we were meeting I would ask you if you had difficulty or changes in your sleep, appetite, weight, and energy. I would also ask you if you have difficulty concentrating, feel guilty (excessively), and whether it is difficult to make decisions. These are the symptoms of a major depressive episode. The experience of depression differs across people. It can range from ‘the blues’ to a really dark, painful feeling that persists despite improvements in circumstances. With the latter situation, symptoms can decrease with time, but mood can more quickly improve if the person seeks help or treatment.

Sometimes it is enough to talk with a friend or family member to vent, receive support, and discuss ways to solve problems. In other cases, social support is not enough, and meeting with a mental health professional or your doctor could point you to some tried and true ways that are known in the field to help people feel better and regain hope. Medication can be helpful; therapy can be helpful. My hope would be that if you were to be seen in therapy, you would come out with a solid plan for dealing with this situation and several useful tools for coping with future problems.

You sound overwhelmed with the problems at hand, in particular the situation with your girlfriend. It has been said that suicide is a permanent answer to a temporary problem. If there were another way to communicate your faithfulness to your girlfriend, would you want to choose that way? I would hope so, but maybe things would continue to feel just as bad. You mentioned a tendency to think of suicide when things go wrong.

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I do not know where you are in terms of how long this has been happening and how severe it feels. However, if you feel you are in danger of hurting yourself or killing yourself, I would recommend, if possible, that you meet with your doctor or a therapist and share what you have shared here. You could also check www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org, which is associated with the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255); this is a hotline available 24/7 in the US. For those who have thought of a plan for suicide, have access to the means to complete that plan, and are thinking of suicide in an intense way for long periods of time, it might be safest to consider hospitalization. An emergency department of a hospital can be a starting point; health maintenance organizations (HMOs) or insurance companies typically have a procedure for initiating an inpatient hospital stay.

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