Difficulty With My Co-Worker, Who has Asperger’s

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Reader’s Question

I share an office with a gentleman who has Asperger’s and I’m looking for tips on how to deal with a certain situation. Every morning he drinks a very strong-smelling tea. The organic tea is supposed to help with calming. However, the odor is unbearable (it smells like rotten food and stinky feet). I have talked to him about this tea and how awful the odor is, yet he continues to brew it right in our small office every morning. I am forced to wander the halls. My boss is aware of the situation and has sent an email indicating that she wants our office to be odor free, and that she has had complaints about the smell.

Please help! I want to try and resolve the problem in the nicest way possible.

Psychologist’s Reply

It sounds like a difficult and uncomfortable situation at work. It is never enjoyable to feel as if a situation beyond your control is inhibiting your ability to work!

You started by mentioning that your officemate has Asperger’s Syndrome. This is an autistic spectrum disorder, also known as a pervasive developmental disorder. It is characterized by difficulty socializing and relating to others. Specifically, according to the Mayo Clinic, this can include a tendency to have one-sided conversations without noticing whether the listener is listening, an intense interest in a particular subject, appearing not to understand or empathize with others’ feelings, and having a hard time ‘reading’ people. Those with Asperger’s tend to miss abstract or subtle aspects of communication.

I am wondering if your officemate missed the point of your boss’s email. The email was just indirect enough to be polite, asking for an “odor free” workplace without directly asking your officemate to discontinue making the tea. However, for someone with Asperger’s Syndrome, this type of indirect or subtle communication can be misunderstood or missed entirely. It is less effective to use idioms, sarcasm, or implied messages such as this one. Although it might feel less comfortable (and less nice), direct requests, rules, and concrete directions are best. For example, “The smell of your tea is too strong for the office. Please stop making it here” is a polite but clear way of addressing this issue. The Autism Society of Minnesota published some ideas about working with and managing employees with Asperger’s Syndrome, which may be useful.

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The most important thing to remember with regard to the social difficulty that accompanies Asperger’s Syndrome is that although someone with Asperger’s might appear to be rude, the insensitivity to social cues and others’ needs is indeed part of the disorder. The gifts and talents that someone with Asperger’s Syndrome likely brings are more related to being an expert on ‘things’ than an expert on people. The behavior is likely not purposeful or intentional. If the tea is meant for calming, it could be that he has made it part of his routine a as a way of coping with nervousness or anxiety at work. Routines and structures are very important for people on the autistic spectrum. My thought is that if your officemate is given another option with regard to how and where to make his tea, he might be willing to change his routine over time. This might be something that your manager could discuss with him. If your officemate indeed has a disability that is protected under the Americans with Disabilities Act, there may be some accommodations that your manager can provide for him that can solve the problem.

You are clearly a caring person who is trying to find a way to peacefully (and comfortably) coexist with your officemate. As with any co-worker, getting along means searching for the likeable aspects of that person, and finding ways to appreciate his or her contribution. Despite the frustration you’ve described, I hope you will keep an eye out for positive moments with your officemate, so you and he can continue to work productively in the same space, on good terms. Additionally, I hope your manager is able to assist further with resolving the tea situation so you are able to be comfortable and uninterrupted while working.

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